Swinger Etiquette: 10 Rules You Should Never Break!

Thought swingers are a little bit wild and don’t really care about rules and etiquette?

Think again.

Swingers might be more open than most when it comes to sex. But a sex party isn’t some drug-fuelled, debauched orgy where anything goes. 

On the contrary, swingers ask you to follow certain etiquette so that everyone’s night is as enjoyable – and as fun and sexy – as possible.

Before you go to swingers club, you must understand what’s expected of you. This way, you won’t make any newbie mistakes, you won’t get banned – and you’ll have the best time possible.

In this article, I’m going to take a look at the swinger rules you need to follow. Let’s make a start.

10 Swinger Etiquette You Shouldn’t Break:

1. Let The Women Lead 

A lot of guys have difficulty with this one because they’re used to the idea of the man approaching a woman in a bar. But swinging doesn’t work like this. Swinging lifestyle is very different from a man walking up to a girl in a bar. It’s a whole other lifestyle.

When you go to a sex party with your partner, make sure it’s the woman who leads the conversation. This is just basic swinger etiquette that needs to be followed. 

Sure, the guy can get involved in the conversation, but it’s much better if the woman approaches another woman first and then brings the men in. 

If you’re a man reading this, do not under any circumstances approach a woman – or a couple – with an overbearing, entitled attitude. You’re not flirting in a bar or a club. You need to be polite and respectful. 

A bit of flirting is fine, but it’s much better to just ask open questions and pay a few compliments. Get to know the other couple and be a nice, normal human being. 

Essentially, you and your partner need to act like you would in any other social situation. 

2. Be Hygienic 

Some of you reading this might be thinking “I don’t need to be told to be hygienic. I know to be hygienic.” 

The thing is, whenever we go to a party, not everyone present is hygienic. Some drunks stink, drunks who clearly haven’t brushed their teeth, and drunks whose hair is a bit of a mess.

All of this is a major No-No at a sex party. You have to be smelling and looking extra fresh. 

Why? 

Because no stranger is going to want to have sex with someone who can’t look after themselves properly, it’s also common courtesy to get yourself spruced up for potential partners. 

Before you go to a swingers party, make sure you’ve cleaned your teeth, had a shower and sorted your hair out. You can do whatever you want with your hair, but make sure it’s washed and looks the part. 

Also, if you’re planning to have sex, make sure you wash your hands in the sink immediately beforehand, as well as straight away afterwards. This is just basic etiquette that’s expected of all swingers. 

3. Respect The Rules 

Whether you go to a club or someone’s house, you absolutely must respect their personal rules

For clubs, the rules are usually given to you before your visit. For individual houses, the host will often have a few things they don’t want you to do.

For example, maybe you’ll be told to stay out of a certain room, or perhaps the swimming pool is off-limits tonight. Some don’t like single males in play areas.

That’s cool – the host can ask you to do whatever they want. 

You’re allowed to ask questions, but you mustn’t break the rules of other swingers. Doing so will not only get you kicked out, it will ruin your reputation, and you might not be able to swing again. 

If you disagree with something, you could maybe voice it. But if you strongly disagree with something and this is going to cause an issue, the best thing is to simply leave the premises and go do something else for the evening 🙂 

4. Bring A Gift To The Party 

No one is obligated to take something to each sex party they go to. But, it’s common swinger rule to take something along with you.

For example, I always make it a point to take chips and dip to parties because – well – who DOESN’T like chips and dips, you feel me!?

Other things I’ve seen folks bring include beer and wine (of course), lube, condoms, erotic card games and so on. 

Essentially, if something says ‘sexy’ to you, you could make a point of taking it along with you. 

And honestly, no-host in the world is going to turn a bottle of wine down!

5. Let People Know If You’re Gonna Be a No-Show 

Have you ever booked a table before reneging on it? Maybe you forgot to cancel and felt a bit bad.

But, hey, it doesn’t really matter because it’s not as though the restaurant is gonna remember your name and blacklist you. 

Swinger parties are different. If you know you’re not going to make it to a party where the host and guests are expecting you, you should make sure they know. 

Send them a text or a call to let them know you can’t make it tonight. Apologise (you don’t have to give a reason) and maybe say you’ll be there next time. 

The reason this is so important is because swinger events sell out. If you can’t make it, it means that they’re now one couple down. It’s not cool, and hosting and organising a sex part is also really stressful so try to have some empathy. 

6. Don’t Get Too Close When Watching Other Swingers

One of the great things about swinging parties is you get to watch other couples have sex. Yep, you get to indulge your voyeuristic side. 

However, there are rules here that you need to follow. For example, you must not be so close to the couples that they’re distracted by you. You shouldn’t touch them and they shouldn’t be able to hear you chatting to other people.

When watching other swingers couple have sex, remember that you’re not directing a film here. You’re just someone in the background who’s getting a free show in the cinema. So behave like you’re at the movies. 

7. Communicate With Your Partner Before Sex

One of the biggest swinger mistakes you can make is to assume your partner wants exactly what you want.

If you want to have sex again with another couple after you’ve just finished with one couple, don’t just assume that your partner wants the same thing. Talk to them, ask them. 

It’s the same during sex. Don’t just casually do your thing but keep an open mind. Remember, it takes more than one person to make swinging work. 

8. Don’t Get Drunk 

Lastly, there shouldn’t really be any need for me to say this – but there is. Believe me, I’ve seen people drink too much at sex parties and it kills the mood. For guys, alcohol can wreak havoc with their sex drive, so much so that they can’t even get hard.

For women, too much alcohol can make them lose control and it can make them sick. 

Either way, if you decide to drink at a sex party, drink in moderation. Drink to the point where you know you shouldn’t drink anymore if you want to have good sex. 

And the thing is, no one wants to see drunk people at a party. It makes people feel uncomfortable, and it’s not what anyone is here for. If you want to get drunk, go to a bar. 

9. Don’t be Rude

One thing that other couples won’t take is you being rude. Don’t body shame them body type, sexuality, sexual preference in any shape and form.

If you don’t find someone attractive just walk away. Otherwise, you will be discarded by pretty much everyone out there.

So, this is the basics to follow. As you can, no one is asking too much. These are just basic rules that were created out of respect for everyone. Follow them, don’t break them and if they seem too draconian or boring to you, swinging isn’t for you.