I know, I know. Rules make things boring. Rules are meant to be broken. The only rule of Fight Club is there are no rules.
But while swinging is for people who are looking to explore their sexuality with other people, rules are an important part of the swinging lifestyle. Without rules, swinging just wouldn’t work.
After all, this is still sex we’re talking about. Consent is paramount, as is respect and the ability to listen to others. Etiquette exists in the swinger world, just like it exists elsewhere.
At the same time, when we talk about rules in the swinging world, we’re not talking about “don’t do this” and “don’t do that” kind of things. Instead, rules are there to make the whole thing more enjoyable and pleasant for everyone.
And when you understand the rules of swinging, you will have more success. So join me as I take a look at the….
6 Basic Rules of Swinging
1. Ask First
A few people have turned up to a swingers party for the first time under the impression that they can touch whoever they want without asking first. They can walk up to a guy or a woman and pinch their butt, stroke their face or touch their arm.
Nope, you cannot do any of that with a total stranger unless you ask first.
Yes, swingers are there to swing – in other words, to touch, to receive touch and to have sex. But that doesn’t mean a swingers party is free for all, where anyone can touch anyone without asking.
There will be some people who simply don’t fancy you. They don’t want your attention, and they definitely don’t want to be touched. Hey, and maybe some people just aren’t comfortable enough yet to be grabbed by a random stranger, huh?
It’s perfectly fine to walk up to anyone at a swinger party and start chatting. But before you touch any body part (except a handshake or a hug), you must make sure you have their permission. Otherwise, you might get reported and kicked out (especially if you keep doing it).
2. You Have The Power To Say “No”
I once took a couple to their first swingers party. They were my friends, but they were also really shy and nervous about the whole thing.
Eventually, they got chatting and interacting with another couple who were more confident than they were. The next time I looked around, they were gone, headed for a room to have sex.
I smiled to myself.
Later on, however, I learned that, while the man was feeling it, the woman wasn’t. When I asked why she went along with it, she said: “I thought I had to?”
I’m not sure where she got that impression from. No one is under any pressure to have sex with anyone at a swingers party if they don’t want to. Yes, swingers are expected to engage in some sort of sexual activity at some point during the night (newbies are exempted), but everyone still has the power to pick and choose and to say No.
Someone might reject you and your partner. But you can also reject others. And, hey, swingers are grown-ups. They won’t take rejection badly! It happens all the time. If someone isn’t your type, make it clear and move on.
Otherwise, the sex will be lame anyway because you’re just not into it.
3. Don’t Take Drugs
This one is worth forcing home because many outsiders are under the impression that a swinger party is a magnet for all-round decadence: Orgies, writhing naked bodies – and drugs.
It’s simply not the case. Illegal drugs are banned from swingers parties for a number of reasons. First, illegal drugs are, well, illegal. As such, if the cops show up, there will be arrests and the host will get put in jail. All of a sudden, they get a bad reputation, and the headlines “swinger sex orgy + hard drugs end in a night of shame” are written in the local press.
Second, drugs and swinging just don’t work because we’re not ourselves when we’re on drugs. Do we trust ourselves to make the best decisions whilst under the influence? Probably not. Sure, we might think we’re having a good time at the time, but regret hits home the next day.
Moreover, different types of drugs produce different effects. Do you really want to deal with the drama of a jealous partner who’s suddenly started freaking out while you’re high on marijuana?
I recommend that you play it safe and avoid drugs when you go to a swingers party. Hey, it’s a free world, of course. But if you take drugs, make sure you don’t take them inside the premises.
Also Read: How To Set Your Personal Swinging Rules
4. Have Respect For Everyone
I’ve rarely met a complete asshole at a sex party. Not because I’ve got lucky, but because assholes aren’t welcome.
People go to swingers parties because these events are safe places for people to land a hookup. Everyone who goes there knows to be respectful. The idea is that we go there to have a good time, to chat, to interact and to have fun, consensual sex. Respect is, therefore, paramount.
Respect goes a long way, and it means many things. It means respecting people who say ‘No’ to you. It means being respectful of absolutely everyone, from the supermodel types to the ones who aren’t necessarily your type. It means not speaking about anyone behind their back. It means engaging in conversation and being friendly and open.
It also means respecting the host. If they have certain rules that they want you to abide by, you should see to it that you respect their house. This is their house, after all.
Here’s another thing it means: Not asking a new partner if you’re better in bed than their spouse. There’s a lot of naughty things you can say to strangers at a sex party, but that isn’t naughty – it’s downright rude.
5. Don’t Have Sex Forever
Yes, people go to swingers parties to have sex. But nobody should go there to have an epic, tantric sex session that lasts forever.
Whilst everyone is downstairs, chatting and preparing to go home, there are two couples still in the bedroom, moaning, groaning and panting. Not cool.
6. Wash Beforehand
Lastly, you should wash before you have sex with anyone at a sex party. Others do it – and you should too.
As well as having a shower before heading out, you should also make a point of washing your hands in the sink before engaging in any kind of sexual activity with new partners. This is common etiquette at a swingers party, and it’s expected from you.
Rules aren’t meant to be broken at swingers parties. They’re there to keep the place safe, fun and consensual for all.
Try to think of these as more etiquette than rules. After all, ‘be respectful’ is hardly dogma. It’s just part of what makes someone a decent human being.
If you adhere to the things mentioned in this article, you will have a great time swinging.
Also Read: 6 Senior Swingers Tips