Swingers have a lot of fun. They go to parties, get naked and have lots of sex with hot people. What’s not to love about it?
Of course, I was like you once upon a time: I was a total newbie who was dipping my toe in the swingers water for the first ever time. And, boy, was I nervous
The thing with swinging is that because there are parties, nudity and sex with strangers, people aren’t sure what to expect or how to behave.
So wouldn’t it be pretty damn awesome if you had a sort-of mentor who could show you the ropes?
Sadly, I can’t be with you in person, but I can use this article to introduce you to the weird and wonderful world of swinging.
In this guide for dummies, I’m going to show you what swinging is all about, what you can expect and what you should do so that you have the most fun possible (while taking all your clothes off).
6 Tips For The First Time Swingers
1. Have “The” Conversation With Your Partner
I was once asked a very important question: “What if one person in a couple wants to swing but the other doesn’t?”
If you’re considering swinging but your partner isn’t feeling it, it’s really important that you have the conversation and explain why couple swings. There are lots of examples of couples where one person is open to non-monogamy and the other person isn’t sure. But the great thing about swinging is that it’s just sex.
In other words, you can still give all your emotions, time and love to your partner, but you can have a bit of fun on the side.
Before you go right ahead and swing, have that all-important first conversation with your partner. Set boundaries, rules and talk about each other’s feelings.
Even if you’re both into the idea of swinging, you still need to have this conversation. Just because you are a couple who both want to swing, that doesn’t mean you’ll automatically be on the same page regarding what you want to get out of it.
So talk, be open and honest. What needs do you want to be met from swinging? Consent is really important when it comes to swinging. If you don’t establish ground rules beforehand, things can get so out of hand that swinging is no longer ethical and fun – it’s cheating. And that’s not cool.
2. Join A Swinger’s Site
The great thing about living in 2020 is that everything is online. 20 years ago, you would have had to make the first move with fellow swingers in real life all the time. Now, you can join a website dedicated to swinging, create a profile, and start chatting.
SwingLifeStyle is one of my favourite swingers sites, but there are others such as AdultFriendFinder that are good, too.
Just have a look around and see what websites (and apps) catch your eye.
Once you’ve picked a website, create a profile. You should upload the best photos of you two (a mix of kinky and non-kinky pics work well), while letting people know what you’re after.
You don’t need to add your phone number or email address but you should fill out your bio just to make yourselves more appealing to others.
Then, you need to get in and among the online community. Chat with people in the forums, send messages to other users. Be fun, positive and friendly at all times.
Also Read: How to Find Swingers Near You
3. Find a Swinger Party
Finding a swinger party near you isn’t actually all that difficult, and we’ve got an article that covers exactly how to do it.
There are a few things you can do:
Sign up to FetLife – This is an online fetish community that brings swingers together, wherever they live. You can chat with people, get to know them and then meet up with them at a local event or sex party
Ask at sex shops – Staff at sex shops tend to know where the local sex parties are. Simply pop in (or telephone) and ask them
Join Kasidie – Kasidie is another website aimed at swingers that’s got the lowdown on local swingers events and parties. Sign up and have a look around
Go ‘Munching’ – Munching is when you meet up with a bunch of swingers for a chill and a chat. The meet up could take place at a bar or a restaurant, and the idea is that you turn up wearing your normal, everyday clothes. The difference is that you’ve got the chance to ask the folk present where the sex parties are at
4. Go To a Swinger Party
Once you’ve learned where the local swinger parties are, the next step is to go to one.
This is the part where many first-time swingers get a bit nervous, primarily because they don’t know what to expect but also because there’s every chance they’ll be getting naked in front of strangers with their partner and having sex.
However, sex parties are typically very laidback events where everyone is cool and friendly. It’s just that, yes, there will also be lots of nudity and sex.
Drawing on my own experiences, I would say that when you go to a swinger party for the first time, you should aim to stay sober. Getting drunk is an easy way to make a fool of yourself and do something you’ll regret.
Go with your partner, reiterate your boundaries and don’t do anything you don’t want to. First time swingers aren’t under any pressure to get naked or have sex (though this pressure will come the second time), so you can just take it easy. Be nice, polite and friendly, and treat it just like any other party.
In terms of clothing, you could wear a kinky outfit if that’s your preference, but you could just wear something smart or sexy – whatever you’d wear to a nightclub or ‘regular’ party.
5. Be Prepared For Anything
Lastly, swinger parties are sometimes full of ridiculously hot people. The men and women are hot, and while the men sometimes have insanely long members, the women have fantastic boobs.
That’s just the way it is.
Why am I telling you this?
So that you won’t get jealous or shy.
Swingers are typically very confident people. Not all are hot but some look like porn stars. If you and your partner can’t deal with this sort of thing (being naked around hot people), swinging might not be for you.
6. Women Rule The Roost
Okay, one last thing (for real) before I go: Women – not guys – rule the roost when it comes to swinging.
Guys can often feel left out at sex parties because the women tend to lead. It’s just the way it is.
Again, this is something you need to be prepared for before you get into swinging.
So what I would do is, if you’re a guy reading this, just get ready for some small talk while your woman checks out the other women. If you’re okay with that, you’ll be just fine.
Also Read: How To Become a Swinger?
There aren’t exactly a lot of rules when it comes to swinging. Rather, first-time swingers just need to be aware of certain things. A lot of newbies don’t expect a swinger party to be full of normal people who are just a bit more sexed up and open than most other people. But that’s pretty much exactly what a swingers party is like.
If you’re now ready to get naked and to have sex with strangers, the next step is to have a conversation with your partner and join a swingers site.